Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
