I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Two words: blizzard sex
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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