how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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