I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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