I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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