paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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