1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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