Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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