No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
