It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
