OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you made out with another girl for some wings
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize