i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
