i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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