and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
