dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
