i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize