Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
