she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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