You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
