The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
