As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
