Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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