Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
