You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
