wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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