dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
