i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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