You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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