I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
