I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
