Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
