You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
