Will you blow on my dice?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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