She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
