I think my vagina is haunted
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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