My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
