sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
