It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
