What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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