May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
