yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
