You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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