It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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