Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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