3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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