Welp...herpes.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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