I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
