it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
