Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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