sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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