But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Randomize
