Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
