At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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