he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
