i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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