she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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