my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
