just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
