Say something about gay babies.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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