There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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