yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
