I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
