I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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