Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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