My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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