new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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