I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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