summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
