I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
