I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
