I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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