is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
