I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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