I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
