is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
