so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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