i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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